Adam and Evil

I wonder what gets into some film makers. I mean, do they really think they're making a good movie? Ok, that's probably true, but then what do they think when they hear it's gonna be a direct-to-video release? They probably get depressed, say hell with it, and make it, but with not as much gusto. But I'll give them one thing, they picked an interesting name. When I was at my video store last month, and they were getting this movie ready to collect dust on the shelves, I said "Adam & Evil? HAHAHA!!! I gotta see that!" So finally, I did.

The movie starts off with this family burning in a house while some dude is screaming in slow motion. Maybe if he'd speed up, he'll be able to save them. Turns out the dude is Adam and he's just having a nightmare. Adam wakes up next to Yvette, who isn't exactly nightmare fuel if you get what I'm saying, and comments about "having that nightmare again". Turns out the nightmare wasn't a nightmare but something that really happened some time ago. Yvette is all like "Let it go. They died, and sure it was your fault. But let it go!" But enough of that cause their friends show up and it's time to party! Like in all teenage horror flicks, a bunch of teenagers get together, go somewhere far away, and get MURDERED!!! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The teenagers here are going to some Lake to celebrate their graduation. I'm willing to bet that Yvonne is suppose to be Yvette's sister or something because why would the writer give two characters similar names? Unless they're saying that Yvette was like, "!!! You, like, have a similar name then mine? GET OUT!!" and they became the best of friends!! But Yvonne is kind of a stuck up smarty bitch because she constantly shoots down Seth, the virgin who has a crush on her. Seth steals his dad's viagra, which is probably gonna prompt new tv ad campaigns about parents talking to their kids about Viagra abuse and they could possibly OD on it if taken wrong.

So they all show up at Adam's house, pick him and Yvette up, all the meanwhile two creepy guys are watching them from afar in a van, talking about "getting revenge" and "it's gonna be a fun weekend". This makes it sound like "Friday The 13th" meets "Deliverance".

So off they go, but they get lost so they stop in a real friendly bar full of rednecks, where the sherriff and his slutty wife Mo-Reen (as The Sheriff calls her), are playing pool. The guys ask for directions while Seth runs to use the bathroom. There, he runs into Mo-Reen and she throws herself on him, making him nervous. He nearly creams his pants when she plants his hand on her supple boobies. Seth runs out so he can go change his underwear and the wife joins the gang at the bar. When Mo-Reen finds out where they're going, she scares the shit out of everyone by about a killer that's running loose. Earl tells her to shaddup and tells the kids to ignore the hot slutty thing over there. The kids leave and soon they arrive at the lake.

Oh, the name of the Lake they are going to? Lake Nede. Nede? Spell it backwards, look at the title of the movie, have a cheap laugh, then try to stop yourself from sending a death threat to the film makers.

So they arrive at the lake, set up their camping stuff, get drunk, then everyone tries to get laid. Seth takes 5 Viagra pills and goes after Yvonne, who shoots him down. But no worry, Mo-Reen just happens to come along and helps Seth get rid of that boner. Meanwhile, Clint shows up only to show us that he exists and gives us a creepy vibe. Mo-Reen and Seth finish up and she sneaks back home. Not even five minutes later, some mysterious killer sneaks into Seth's tent, cuts his throat, and then permentantly gets rid of the boner.


The next day they all leave Seth alone to rot in the hot sun while they frolic in the water. This montage lasts a good ten minutes. And the director, or the DP, or both, are pervs cause we get another boob montage. Not a complant, just an observation.

When they are done, they realize they haven't seen Seth all day...hmm... So Matt goes to check on him and finds his dead body. He freaks out, and tells Adam, who also freaks out and goes to tell everyone else so they can freak out too, but he can't find Rob and Rachael. They're off on a boat and he's singing to her. During a romantic scene with these two bland people, someone throws fireworks at them, then the sound of "something" in the water while they shout "STOP! IT'S NOT FUNNY!" over and over. Yeah, that's helpful. But on the upside, they get killed before we have to hear anymore god awful singing.

While panicking, they run into Clint and they all think he did it cause he's all creepy and just happened to be there. He declares his innocence and everyone immedately believes him. He says there's a police station some miles away. But all their cars don't work, cause the killer cut the fuel line. Smart killer.

So they all come up with the brilliant idea to walk. Yvonne and Matt pair up and they find a van. Matt recognizes the van and pieces it all together. Somehow. There was this dude they all use to know named Shane, and they think he's the one killing everyone, which is a fair assumption because Shane's best friend, Dave, is found dead in the van. The killer, who uses a crossbow, kills Yvonne, and Matt runs away. Meanwhile Clint and Evelyn stumble upon the bar/diner/garage they all came to earlier in the movie but find it closed and locked. Evelyn takes off while Clint breaks in. Inside he finds the dead body of a character that we never met, so it isn't important. He then gets attacked by another secondary character but later on we see this is Shane. Clint is killed and Shane takes off. No! Come back Shane! Come back!!

They all meet back up, Matt tells them it's Shane, and they freak out and decide to steal Shane's van to get the hell out of there. Shane appears and stands in front of the van saying that "you're" gonna pay. Yeah, I'm already paying by watching this movie (twice now!). Evelyn urges Adam to run him the fuck over and he does.

While driving away, Earl, who found Clint's body, comes after them, thinking they killed him. When the van runs out of gas, they have no choice to stop and talk to the rattled hillbilly cop. He believes them and takes them back to his house, where the slut awaits.

Earl takes the boys statements and they think it has something to do with the thing Adam's been having nightmares about for four years now. One night he and Matt got really drunk and was at some house shooting fireworks off. They accidently let one of them fly into the house and the fire started, which killed the whole family inside. So now they think Shane is getting revenge but they don't know why.

While that's going on, the girls get all nice and clean. Mo-Reen for some reason breaks down into tears in her bedroom, like she was the one who watched all of her friends die in one night. But it's not over yet! The Mystery Killer sneaks in and kills Mo-Reen. Then he starts a fire in the house. Earl tells Matt to get Mo-Reen while he goes put the fire out. Sadly, Earl is killed. So much for karma, huh Earl?

Outside, Adam realizes this is his chance to do some good for a change and run into the house to save everyone. Matt finds Mo-Reen dead and becomes a victim himself. Adam finds them both dead and he runs back out. Then he discovers who the real killer is and it's not Shane...

It's Evelyn!! WHA???

It all turns out that the family that got killed in the fire was going to adopt Evelyn, who turns out to be a orphan. And it ALSO turns out that she's the one who actually started the fire, not Adam and Matt, because she is an insane pyro. So I guess he can sleep better at night now. And finally, it also turns out that Shane was actually trying to save everybody when he stop Evelyn and saves the day, but we never find out why.

Evelyn ends up committed in a mental institution, wearing only a strait-jacket and panties, for some odd but erotic reason. Told ya the director was a perv.

Watching it back, I realize it's not as awful as I
first thought it was. No, it's not good. At all. It's still pretty slow and it's still you're typical "teenagers go somewhere and get killed" movie. But I did find myself laughing a lot at all the bad acting, especially when Matt gets angry. I was kinda sad to see Earl and Clint die, they were the best characters. And it sucks all the hot chicks in the movie either died or were bat-shit insane.


No comments:

Post a Comment