Mass Invasion: Santa Claus



What's up? Welcome to our third ever "Mass Invasion": The Christmas Edition! This time me and my friends will be tackling the 1959 Mexican kids movie "Santa Claus". And let me tell you it's a weird one.

As I like to do when I come across a wonderfully unique movie such as this, I do some research and this is what I have learned about this movie.
-It's being presented to us in English form thanks to one K. Gordon Murray, an American producer who, I think, one day went to Mexico, found a bunch of public domain movies, bought them, and sold them to US Film distributors. That last part is my theory, since the wikipedia about the man himself is kinda bare.
-Mr. Murray is the narrator, which I didn't know until I wrote my part of the review. Still doesn't explain why he yelled so much during my part.
-This movie exists to explain to Mexican kids who Santa Claus is because they have their own version of Christmas down there that doesn't involve a fat dude in a red suit and a long white beard. I can't imagine being a little Mexican kid watching this movie and being like "Oh, so this is Santa? And THIS is what he does? I'll stick to my traditions, thank you very much."

And last but not least. I can't speak for the other people who wrote this review, but my first introduction to this movie was the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode in their 5th season. It's one of my favorite episodes and I watch that, along with the OTHER Christmas episode, "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians", every year on Christmas Eve, or at least on Christmas Eve Eve.

There's not much else to say I don't think, so let me introduce you to who will be reviewing chunks of this review.
April is doing the first chapter.
Maria is doing Chapter 2.
Adam is doing Chapter 3.
Rachael is doing Chapter 4.
And we have a new comer! Her name is Felicia and she will be doing Chapter 5. I dunno how she got this part honestly, she must be engaged to the webmaster or something.
And finally I will be doing the final chapter.

And before we start, I'd like to thank CheesyFlix.com for providing us this movie. And a-way we go!

***
April

We begin our story with some lovely opening credits, highlighted with pretty poinsettias, which, of course, are the Christmas symbol of Mexico. Has anyone ever seen a poinsettia outside of the winter months? Keeping one alive past February is just about as difficult as watching this film.

The actual film begins with a glimpse of the floating heavenly castles that are the screenwriter's view of what the North Pole looks like and we soon catch Santa adjusting the wings and arms of a toy angel that looks suspiciously like Susan B. Anthony. The interior of Santa's floating castle workshop and home looks like sort of a starkly decorated cross between a Moorish Moroccan summer palace and a relatively upscale Mexican restaurant. I liked it, but I'd find it really difficult to get furniture to look good in a place like that. Anyway...

Santa starts playing a large pipe organ and children from all areas of the world begin singing and sort of dancing. Africa is represented here as only one country, since it's just beyond 1950s North Americans to recognize that different areas of Africa have very different attributes. The children that represent the "country" of Africa here are dressed as extras from the last Flintstones movie, with cute little bones in their hair, banging on drums. Stereotypical doesn't even begin to describe this. Anyway, Santa plays on and other countries are represented. The filmmakers wanted to make sure to represent all the countries that were involved in WWII and the Cold War, to make them seem like they were "okay" at the time and Santa didn't recognize creed or race, just good boys and girls. "Even Russia is represented here," says the narrator. Godless Commies have hearts, after all, I suppose.

Brian Auger, this guy is NOT, man! The horrible organ playing and seriously off-key singing of the children goes on and on, and I'm wondering if Santa's playing each country's little ditty is where the writers of the movie "Strange Brew" got the inspiration for the scenes where Max Von Sydow played the organ to make the mental patients at the Elsinore "looney bin" act certain ways. In the vignette where South America is represented, some poor kid has to wear a $.99 fruit basket (probably rotting) on her head, and Santa gets DOWN with his bad-ass self! The filmmakers make damn sure to have a separate scene for "Central America" and "Mexico," presumably to let people who weren't geography majors know that Guatemala is NOT part of Mexico once and for all!

After all that singing and lifeless motion, Ray Manzarek's talentless jolly old Uncle Nicholas gets down off the Fun Machine and some of the children walk up to him with a doll they don't recognize, in the form of a devilish demon. For some reason, one of the children is conveniently carrying a lit sparkler, like playing with fire is something children don't have to be careful with if they live at Santa's Floating Castle.

The child gets the bright idea to ignite the demon doll's tail with the sparkler. Darn meddling kids! And we cut immediately to a fiery underground lair where a REAL demon is awakened. After dancing and prancing around awhile, the demon is summoned by Ol' Captain Howdy himself and told he MUST defeat Santa Claus or he will be encapsulated in ice forever. No more bungling, you! The demon protests, letting Lou Siffer (and the viewer) know that he must have heat to keep his skin soft and supple and to live the life he has come to know. Sounds like a Florida Snowbird, if you ask me.




Again, another immediate cut. No clever segue-ways or soft fades in THIS film, kiddies, so you'd better Cowboy Up! We're now transported to some weird cross between a Mexican city street scene and our beloved Jason's hometown of Hammond, Indiana, where "A Christmas Story" was filmed. Young children and their parents with their noses pressed to a toy-filled shop window with a life-sized robotic St. Nick laughing in the background. The narrator points out that one of the young boys is a good boy, whose parents are wealthy. Then a very young girl, named Lupita, is a very good little girl, but that her mother is very poor. The look on the mother's face is one of worry and guilt when the narrator mentions that all Lupita wants in the whole world is just a little dolly. Any little dolly. Adorable little girl. I can tell she's gonna have a bad time somewhere in the script.



Then three boys who look maybe ten or eleven years old push and pinch their way through the crowd to get a look at all the toys in the shop window. Suddenly, our friend the demon notices these little boys and talks to them right there next to the window. I guess since everyone else at the shop is so good, they don't notice that a half-naked horned lipstick-red demon is chatting away with some little kids. Some rocks magically appear before the naughty boys and they're apparently influenced by the demon to throw the rocks through the shop window. One of the rocks hits the robotic Santa behind the toys, and the REAL Santa in his Cloud City-esque castle FEELS it and gets momentarily upset. Like NO other logical adult in the world would do, Santa asks some of his kiddie co-workers about the GOOD boys and girls at the scene of the crime. He doesn't give a rat's ass about the rotten boys who threw the rocks, explaining that they'll get theirs in time, but wants to know the names of the nice kids. I'm betting somewhere near the end of this film, Lupita gets her dolly. Just a hunch.

Maria

High above the earth in Santa Co. headquarters Santa and his employees are gathered around spying on all the children of the world. Santa’s second in command is Pedro, an adorable, 5 year old Mexican boy. Santa’s magic observatory is filled with many magical instruments like the Ear-o-scope, the Tellatalker that knows everything and the Cosmic Telescope. Santa uses these things to find out who’s been naughty or nice.




Pedro commands the instruments to find the children that Old Pitch has been bothering. “By thy magic powers,” he says, “look for the child that we are seeking. Whether she is in a cave or behind a million mountains.” Then a giant mouth on the wall that is not at all terrifying says, “All ready!” in a voice that isn’t at all evil. Then a portal opens and a giant eyeball on a tube pops out and starts looking around. Santa looks through his telescope and we see that his workshop is really, really high above the Earth. Like 10 million miles above the Earth.

After more and more zooming we finally come across poor, mind-numbingly adorable Lupita, who is so cute that I want to cry. She is in a crowded street market in Mexico. She’s watching a puppet show and the puppets don’t know whether or not they like each other or hate each other. They kiss each other and then slap each other and all the little children find it hilarious and even tiny Lupita is smiling a little. As Lupita and her mother are leaving, Lupita takes a doll from a table and put it in her jacket. The narrator is horrified and says, “Oh no! Lupita isn’t going to steal the doll, is she?! No, don‘t steal, Lupita! Put it back!” And then Old Pitch pops up next to Lupita and says, “Go ahead and take the doll! No one saw you!” But the narrator tells her stealing is bad and she listens to him and puts the doll back. Then Pitch bothers poor Lupita again, telling her how she’ll never get a doll is she doesn‘t steal one. So the narrator tells her, “That’s not true, Lupita! If you are good somehow you’ll be rewarded.” Because that’s how things really work in the real world. And then we see Lupita crying as she’s looking at the doll she almost stole. And I’m crying too.

Santa is very happy that Lupita didn’t steal the dolly. “Hooray for her!” he cries. “All my friends can ignore the devil!”

Next, Pedro zooms in on the little rich boy while he is sleeping. They realize he is dreaming so they use a goofy machine that looks like an electric fan with an ear on it to see the little boy’s dream.

In his dream the little boy comes downstairs to see two giant presents under the tree. He opens them and inside are his mother and father. They smile and hug him and kiss him. The children who work for Santa are confused by the dream. “He’s rich! He can have anything he wants!” they say. “The only thing he wants is the love of his parents.” Santa says.

Then they zoom back in on poor Lupita as she sleeps. Lupita’s family lives in a house with one room and one bed. Lupita is sleeping soundly and Pitch pops up and blows on her. I supposed this makes her dream evil things. The narrator yells at Pitch. “Why won’t you leave Lupita alone?!”

In Lupita’s dream she is standing in a room filled with mist and she‘s holding a doll. Giant boxes are lined up around her. Lupita is singing about the dolly that she has. “I have a dolly that’s all dressed in blue…” Lupita turns around and all the boxes open and inside them are adult sized dolls all dress in blue. She seems very surprised at this, like they forgot to tell the actress what was going to happen. The dolls all have two faces. A happy one on the front and a sad one on the back of their heads. Then the dolls start dancing around Lupita and she looks like she doesn’t know what’s going on and that she’s going to run away. The dolls aren’t very good dancers but they’re still better than the dancers from the dream sequence in TISCWSLABMUZ. They dance around and around and Lupita is shocked and terrified. When they are finally done twirling they start telling Lupita that she should steal dolls and she’ll never get one if she doesn’t steal. Lupita says, “No, stealing is bad and I want to be good!” The dolls keep trying to convince her to steal but Lupita knows what’s right.




Santa Claus is getting pretty angry at Pitch and promises that Pitch will get what’s coming to him.

Next they look for the three bad boys. The boys are hiding under a bed and Santa uses his ear-on-a-fan to find out what they are saying. The evil mouth on the wall starts talking with the bad boys’ voices. “We’re gonna break windows! We’re gonna steal toys!” There’s one almost smart boy who says, “If we we’re good we’d get toys too!” The other boys says, “It’s no fun to be good!” And then they stupidly start bad mouthing Santa. “Santa can’t see anymore. He’s too old! Santa is stupid! Let’s write him a letter telling him we were good! That’ll fool him!” Santa is very offended by being called old and goes off on a tangent about how the devil is so much older than he is and why are they listening to the devil. The devil is the one that is old! The little bad boys are in for it now. They’ve been bad and they’ve pissed off Santa.

Adam

Back on earth, the post office is getting tons of letters addressed to Santa Claus. How very Miracle on 34th Street! But instead of proving his existence in court, they send the letters up the chimney to Santa’s mosque on the moon. Santa opens the mail chute and gets knocked down in an avalanche of mail. He, of course, laughs about this (much like he does when ANYTHING happens).

Since he just got hundreds of letters, he decides to put a huge dent in this mountainous task and reads four of them. He decrees that some woman will be impregnated because her kid wants a baby sibling. How’s he going to pull that off? If only he had some sort of drug to knock people unconscious. Also, is he really getting that one kid an atomic laboratory and a machine gun? Santa is worse than Pakistan! He’s supporting terrorism! And seriously, his palace looks a little Islamic. I’m getting concerned. Maybe the next scene will put my mind at ease…

Nope! He gives his workforce of children from mostly 3rd world countries a motivational speech (preparing them for the jihad, no doubt). Then he goes to visit Chemical Ali, er, I mean Merlin. Merlin is concocting a drug to knock people unconscious. Merlin also gives Santa a flower that makes him invisible so nobody will see Santa when he detonates his explosive vest in a crowded mall. Also, the crescent moon and star on Merlin’s hat look very Ramadan.

Santa then goes to his blacksmith, who has forged a key that can open any door on the planet. Let’s get this straight. He can knock you unconscious, become invisible and break into any place on earth? Creepy. Santa then decided to get off his fat-rapist-jihadist ass and exercise so he can fit down chimneys. Mind you, he did just get a key that will open every door on the planet.

The 3rd world child workforce then polishes the creepy mechanical vampire reindeer (they must be vampires if they turn to dust in the sunlight). Then the children fill Santa’s sack with the fruit of their backbreaking labor, Santa winds the creepy reindeer, they come to "life" and he’s ready to go. He’ll probably fly his sleigh into a skyscraper in New York.




Rachael

Santa thinks it is hilarious to give beasts of burden large doses of ecstasy. And judging by the way the reindeer are laughing, so do the reindeer. Everyone laughs at ecstasy. Except the little boy in the poncho. I had a poncho when I was a kid. And I was a sullen kid. There might be a connection there between wearing a poncho and being depressed.

Santa and his four reindeer nearly run into the moon. What happened to the other reindeer? I'm guessing by the way Santa drives, they died in a previous moon collision.

Little rich boy watches his parents leave for the evening. If ever there was a junior serial killer in the making, it's this kid. He has visions of poisoned sugar plums dancing in his twisted little head, I'm sure.



Cut to 3 little beastly children planning to kidnap Santa. Well, I'm never going to Mexico. Junior sociopaths in the making all over the place. I can only imagine what they do to tourists.

I'm calling the next little girl "Poopita." Poor Poopita. No money. And jailed behind bars in her own home. Which is actually a smart move by her parents, what with all the potential murderous children running around. But Poopita wants to give baby Jesus a dolly. And that makes her sweet. Or confused about when Jesus was born. Or about his gender. Something tells me Jesus would have preferred something cool made by Tonka.

And Santa's first stop is Mexico City. There's no smog or gunfire. Which confuses me. But also confusing is Santa's failure to understand international datelines and times. Shouldn't he have started in Asia? Anyway, he's practically the third character in a Cheech and Chong movie at this point, so I'm just going to go with it.

Satan's waiting in Mexico. I've always wanted to type that.

There's a messy scene with Satan moving a chimney, Santa smelling sulphur (which I suspect he likes very much -- as I like the smell of magic markers), then the use of multiple magic items. Magic parasol. Magic key. Magic powders. The magic powders are used to knock out some nosy kids. Santa really needs to find the center of his being and make sure he's worthy of all this magic. And he needs to watch his back -- there's something about these Mexican kids that I just don't think is right.

Santa had too much Taco Bell!

The next scene is very confusing. Satan puts the chimney back. Which is a fairly nice thing to do -- like clearing your dishes after a meal. Santa, however, blows ash all over Satan and laughs. Sociopath. He's been in Mexico too long already.

Satan starts mincing around the house. Not the most sinister of creatures. I personally fear the curly-haired rich kid more than this incarnation of the devil.

Let's talk about the "Hot Keyhole." If ever there was a perfect substitute for a Dirty Sanchez or a Rusty Trombone, it is the Hot Keyhole. Satan heats up the doorknob to burn Santa's hand. But come on! Hot Keyhole? There has to be some kind of sexual perversion to go with a name like that. I'll leave that to someone else.

Santa shoots a dart in the ass of Satan (aha! That's a Hot Keyhole!) and laughs about it. Must be time-released ecstasy he's taking. If he can keep up this attitude and he's still only in Mexico, he's got some goooooood stuff.

Poor little rich boy wanders down the stairs and looks with psychopathic lust at his Edward Munch-inspired Christmas tree. I think there is killing on his mind. The narrator tells us he longs for the company of his mother and father. Let me just say to this kid, snap out of it! Loving your parents is one thing. Wanting to hang out with them is another. I dated a guy who spent way too much time with his parents. It wasn't healthy. Move on, little rich kid. Grow a pair and cut the strings.

Felicia

First of all, there is a reason why I don’t watch movies made before the 80’s, and a reason why I stay away from kids movies. There are craptastic special effects and cornball simplistic writing. However, I don’t have a reason why I subjected myself to the torture that is this movie that combines both of the elements inherent in my definition of a bad movie.
Now that that’s outta the way, on to the movie review.

I dunno who thought it was a good idea to make Santa Claus (for laziness’ sake, let’s call him SC from now on) into God. Lazy parents who didn’t feel like explaining the difference between a SC Christmas and a Jesus Christmas to their kids probably. Maybe they figured the movie would imply to kids that God goes on vacation during the holidays and asks SC to take over Heaven….housesit, if you will. While God is out getting his groove on, Lucifer and his minions need to have someone to torment so, SC is next in line.

I wonder if this movie depicts the Mexican version of the SC tale. Here in the U.S., SC lives at the North Pole and his reindeer aren’t made of powder. Now that I think about it, I'm starting to believe that’s probably the case. Mexicans, like most Hispanics, have a highly Catholic culture. They had to incorporate some religion into the SC fable with him battling demons, just so their kids won't be totally confused about which Christmas is the true one like little American kids are.

First I gotta mention the main little girl in the movie, Lupita. She is so freakin’ adorable. She shoulda kept that dolly she attempted to steal. That was too cute, a 4-year-old shoplifter.

A’ight, so the chapter I’m supposed to review is the most boring in my opinion. It opens up with the kid with the freakishly large cauliflower head being left home alone while his parents are out boozing’ it up. SC comes and drugs the kid with his sleeping powder. Does this kid even have a name? Anyway, SC finds out his innermost thoughts about missing the love of his parents. SC then plays waiter at the party where the big-headed kid’s parents are. He slips the parents a mickey and gets them to feel guilty and go home and reunite with their son in a bevy of hugs.

Next, the movie focuses in on those 3 bad ass little boys plotting to steal toys from SC. Mexicans who steal? Nah, that’s not perpetuating a stereotype, not at all. (I’m a liar). They’re aided by that gay, dancing devil Titch, or Pitch, or Bitch, or whatever his name is. After the boys’ plan goes up in smoke, Bitch turns them against each other for messing up and decides to take down SC on his own. He plans to sabotage SC by getting rid of his secret weapons, the sleeping powder and the Flower of Disappearance. Bitch sneakily cuts open SC’s pouch of sleepyglitterflakes so they and the flower fall out leaving SC unknowingly helpless if he is discovered by mortals. That was surprising not a bad plan.

SC hits up the next hacienda on his route to deliver goods, but Bitch sics the family dog on him. SC goes to use his secret weapons on the dog but realizes he’s shit outta luck because his pouch is empty. So what does he do? Runs up a tree. Ugh. I thought SC was supposed to be God in this story. Can’t he zap the dog and make it die or some other neat-o Godly tricks? So there he is, the most powerful man in the world, right now scared of a friggin’ dog. Bitch is laughing his ass off at him, as well he should. His plan is to wake up everyone so they’ll see SC trapped in a tree since he can’t invissy himself or drug people. Then I guess if people see ol’ SC, he can’t get back to Heaven before sunrise and his reindeer turn to dust or ashes like vampires in sunlight. And if he cant get back and is stranded on earth, SC will starve to death because I guess people here don’t know how to cook ambrosia, the nectar of the gods.

That’s where my accounts of this horrid tale end.

Jason

I wanna point out something before I write my part. Why the hell is the narrator suddenly SCREAMING EVERY FUCKIN' THING??? It's kinda like someone didn't give him the script until it was time for him to record his narration and he got wayyyy into the story and is all excited about Santa being spotted by humans, or whatever. And finally, why the hell does Pitch keep calling the dog "Daddy"?

Ok, so Santa is stuck up in a tree and some rabid dog is barking his ass off at him. Pitch appears inside the house of a Mexican family. Since they can't really hear him, he talks to them through their dreams. If I told people that Satan talks to me through my dreams, I'd be locked up.

Pitch tells the entire family, one by one, that there is some sort of assassin waiting outside in the tree. An assassin? Who is this family, the King and Queen of Mexico? The family wakes up and the father of the family is a coward and keeps insisting he's too sick to see if his satanic thoughts are true or not.

Pitch then breaks into some old guy's room and has him call the fire department making them think there's a fire, so more people can come and see Santa perform his nightly Vegas routine in this tree. Since the fire dude who answered the phone didn't believe the old guy, Pitch blows into the phone and a big flame shoots out of the other end. This makes the fire guy believe. Oh and I swear the voice of the fire guy is the same voice as the easily excitable narrator.

Meanwhile, Santa's in his tree, calling Merlin for help. He's not gonna help your ass, Santa, you only talk to him once a year. I'd be a little bitter and hope you rot in that tree. But that's just me. We then go to Lupita and AWWW!! she is so fuckin' adorable. Anyway, Lupita is sleeping and Pitch is still giving her the same bullshit about Santa doesn't love her and she'll never get a dolly and that the Cubs will win the World Series.

Lupita wakes up and bugs her mama some more about Santa not coming. Mama wants to tell her there really is no Santa and they're broke as hell so there won't be a Christmas this year. I dunno, this is Mexico. Couldn't Mama just become a prostitute? Then they'll have the best Christmas ever!

We get an annoying scene where Pedro hears Santa's plea and rushes to get Merlin, but he walks roughly 1 mile per hour so Santa might as well enjoy his new home: the tree. There's another pointless scene where Pitch whispers into the ears of the now awaken family members and tells them they should kill Santa. What a lovely thought for a kid's movie, huh?

Oh and the narrator is still SCREAMING HIS ASS OFF!!

Pitch taunts Santa some more, reminding him (and us) that his reindeer will turn to powder and Santa being the picky eater that he is will starve to death and then Satan will rule the Earth!

Wait. The ONLY thing stopping Satan from taking over the world is Santa Claus? Really? That's...wow. Ok. Well, guess I should switch my religious belief to Clausology.

Merlin finally gets his happy ass to the giant oral sex toy, er, whatever the hell that thing really is, and talks to Santa, reminding him YET AGAIN what'll happen if he doesn't hurry the hell up. Santa is like "I called YOU to get me out of this, you moron! This is why I only talk to you once a year! JESUS!"

Merlin does some thinking and he finally realizes that Santa could use a toy cat to distract the dog. Santa finds one oddly enough in his sack and even more oddly enough, this works. The police and fire department and for some reason "First Aid" (Sheesh, First Aid comes at the slightest thing in Mexico yet we get a giant ass flood or hurricane and we gotta sit for 3 weeks on our roof) come to the scene and the narrator won't shut the fuck up about them spotting Santa. He's gone in time and Pitch gets blasted with the giant water hose and possibly dies or something, cause this is the last we see of him.

Santa is sneaking off and Merlin begs him to return but Santa has to make one more stop. Which stop does he have to make? Do I really have to remind you?

At Lupita's, her mom is sleeping in the chair and her dad just returned home, saying he couldn't find a job. Well, DUH! It's the middle of the night, what do you expect? I doubt Mexico has many 24-hour establishments. And if they did, he could easily get a job as a bus boy at Denny's. So everyone is all depressed and they're about to kill themselves when Lupita wakes up and is like "YAY! Santa came and gave me my dolly!"

Before her parents can tell her the awful truth, Lupita walks outside and lo and behold there is a dolly. And it's a big mothafucker too. The parents are like "....wha??" and...God damn it movie...don't make me cry...*sniff sniff*

Ok. I'm back. Lupita thanks Santa and he rides off back into outer space where he lives apparently and the Narrator, who has calmed down now, reminds us that Christmas is REALLY about Jesus and God and stuff and Merry Christmas!

Final Thoughts:

April
This has been the second best film Jason has ever made me watch, and that's really saying something.

Maria
Santa Claus is a better Christmas movie than 95% of Christmas movies. It goes A Christmas Story, It’s a Wonderful Life,and then Santa Claus. Sit back, relax, grab yourself some Rumple Minze, watch Santa Claus and have a Merry Christmas.

Adam
In all seriousness, I love K. Gordon Murray’s Santa Claus. Sure, it’s freakishly weird in an overly-Catholic sort of way. And it’s unbelievably cheap, even for a Mexican children’s movie. It has the obligatory Cold War paranoia of movies from the time. It’s more than a little surreal with it’s Pee Wee’s Playhouse gadgetry. And Santa’s spy tactics would make the ACLU forget all about the current administration. But somehow, all the bizarre crap works. Why? Because this movie, for all it’s shittiness, feels how a Christmas movie should feel. It’s probably due to the cheap Christmas music being incessantly looped in the background. But whatever the reason, it delivers everything but the kitchen sink in a Christmas cornucopia of cheap thrills and bite-sized morality. As Christmas movies go, this one is an underappreciated gem that should be right up there in the pantheon of Christmas movies like A Christmas Story and It’s A Wonderful Life. I watch this movie every Christmas Eve. I’m usually very drunk when I watch it.

On a somewhat related note, once I was at a party with Jason and I was trying to flirt with this hot Polish chick with big tits and nice legs. Jason, drunk off his ass, kept screwing up my chances by interrupting my advances because he had to tell me something about K. Gordon Murray. Only he kept saying Gay-Kordon Murphy or some slurred variation thereof. His drunken antics ruined my chances to mack on a hot chick. It’s my fault because I kept making him do shots of whiskey (I was the designated driver and didn’t feel like driving a relatively sober person home). But man, did she have a sweet rack on her. And a great personality and all that incidental stuff, too.

Rachael
I give this movie 2 stars. One for the movie itself. One for making me wish I was Jewish.


Felicia
Well, hm... This is hard to rate. No doubt it's a corny-ass movie. But since it's aimed at kids and kids are inherently corny and simple-minded, I can't judge the film too harshly. I do applaud the writer or whoever takes ownership of this garbage for adding some amount of "evil" (by way of the demons) to the overly saccharine tale of Santa Claus.


Jason
You know, I never did think this was a bad little movie. Maybe it just needs some love.
I kinda enjoyed this movie, despite it's weirdness. And none of it makes sense if you look back and try to connect all the scenes together, like how Santa's flower makes him invisible but when he's on Earth he's transported or whatever. And let's not even get into the child labor laws he's no doubtly breaking. I guess that's the advantage of living in outer space, the laws don't apply to you. So suck on that, Earthlings!


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